帮我找点英文笑话吧！
更新日期：2024.06.03
1,I think that I'm a chicken
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
2,My girlfriend is out in the car
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.
He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing.
"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.
"That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
3,I think I'll try a nicer approach
Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night.
He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out, and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine.
One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior, and was particularly distraught by it all.
The friend listened to her, and then said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently, when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words, and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways."
The wife thought that might be a good idea.
That night, Harry took off again, after dinner. And, about midnight, he arrived home, in his usual condition.
His wife heard him at the door, and quickly went to it, and opened the door, and let Harry in.
This time, instead of berating him, as she had always done, she took his arm, and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him, and started to cuddle him a little. After a little while, she said to him, "It's pretty late, dear. I think we had better go upstairs to bed, now, don't you think?"
At that, Harry replied, in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll be getting in trouble with the stupid wife when I get home anyway!"
4,You can't bring that dog in this bar
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
好消息和坏消息
"有好消息和坏消息,"离婚律师告诉他的当事人.
"我肯定会利用一些好消息",同时客户. "什么?"
"老婆不要求你将来结婚列入解决. "
"坏消息? "
"离婚后,她嫁给你父亲. "
Mother;" what happened to your eyes?"
Boy," a boy punched me."
Mother," what did you do? punch him back?"
Boy," i said thank you."
回答者：逆§雪 - 魔法师 四级 5-1 16:42
好消息和坏消息
“我有好消息和坏消息带给您，”办理离婚案的律师对他的当事人。
“我当然想听好消息了，”客户叹口气说，“什么好消息？”
“您的太太不再要求将您将来可继承的遗产算入离婚财产清算之列。”
“那坏消息呢？”
“离婚后，她将嫁给您的父亲。”
Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife's bedside table that said "Wake me at six."
An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table:
"It's six, you bum! Get out of bed!"
A:NICE TO MEET YOU
B:NICE TO MEET YOU TOO
C:NICE TO MEET YOU THREE
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Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
2,My girlfriend is out in the car
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.
He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing.
"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.
"That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
3,I think I'll try a nicer approach
Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night.
He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out, and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine.
One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior, and was particularly distraught by it all.
The friend listened to her, and then said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently, when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words, and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways."
The wife thought that might be a good idea.
That night, Harry took off again, after dinner. And, about midnight, he arrived home, in his usual condition.
His wife heard him at the door, and quickly went to it, and opened the door, and let Harry in.
This time, instead of berating him, as she had always done, she took his arm, and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him, and started to cuddle him a little. After a little while, she said to him, "It's pretty late, dear. I think we had better go upstairs to bed, now, don't you think?"
At that, Harry replied, in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll be getting in trouble with the stupid wife when I get home anyway!"
4,You can't bring that dog in this bar
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
好消息和坏消息
"有好消息和坏消息,"离婚律师告诉他的当事人.
"我肯定会利用一些好消息",同时客户. "什么?"
"老婆不要求你将来结婚列入解决. "
"坏消息? "
"离婚后,她嫁给你父亲. "
Mother;" what happened to your eyes?"
Boy," a boy punched me."
Mother," what did you do? punch him back?"
Boy," i said thank you."
回答者：逆§雪 - 魔法师 四级 5-1 16:42
好消息和坏消息
“我有好消息和坏消息带给您，”办理离婚案的律师对他的当事人。
“我当然想听好消息了，”客户叹口气说，“什么好消息？”
“您的太太不再要求将您将来可继承的遗产算入离婚财产清算之列。”
“那坏消息呢？”
“离婚后，她将嫁给您的父亲。”
Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife's bedside table that said "Wake me at six."
An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table:
"It's six, you bum! Get out of bed!"
A:NICE TO MEET YOU
B:NICE TO MEET YOU TOO
C:NICE TO MEET YOU THREE
毛垄翠890 :答：英语笑话（二）He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him.-- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？-- 墓地守墓人。英语笑话（三）Not long after...
毛垄翠890 :答：附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.3)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.4)A ...
毛垄翠890 :答：不速之客就在路上，我妈妈，一个完美的`家庭主妇，正忙里忙外地整理。她分配给我爸和我哥哥的任务是打扫供客人使用的浴室。一会儿之后，当她去检查的时候，她吃惊了，曾经一度杂乱的房间瞬间就被打扫干净了。接着她看到浴帘上有一张纸条，纸条上写着：“谢谢你没往浴缸里看。”英语短笑话大全带翻译...
毛垄翠890 :答：带翻译的英语笑话大全 你知道学些笑话的好处么?当第一次见面的时候，总是有不知道该说什么的尴尬，这时候你就需要一些笑话，来缓解一下气氛呢，这里我为你收集整理了带翻译的英语笑话大全，希望能对你有所帮助哈!带翻译的英语笑话【1】 The Great Lion Hunter 伟大的猎手 A small village was tr...
毛垄翠890 :答：我的 英语的搞笑笑话? 我来答 1个回答 #热议# 为什么孔子像会雕刻在美最高法院的门楣之上?好声音1718 2022-10-09 · TA获得超过1513个赞 知道小有建树答主 回答量:137 采纳率:0% 帮助的人:24.4万 我也去答题访问个人页 关注 展开全部 下面是我整理的,以供大家学习参考。 :sells the...
毛垄翠890 :答：我有森林，但是没有树木。有高山，但是没有岩石。有城市，没有房屋，有河流但是没有谁。我是什么 下面笑话 1.A man called a lawyer and asked, “How much would you charge me to answer three questions?” The lawyer said, “$400 dollars!”And the man said, “That’s a lot of ...
毛垄翠890 :答：7. 英语幽默小笑话 8. 英语幽默笑话大全 9. 英语的幽默小笑话 10. 带翻译是简短英语笑话大全 6、Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV. Mum:There is no electricity tonight. Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on. 迈克:妈妈,我想看电视。 妈妈:今晚停电了。 迈克:那我们就点着蜡烛看吧。 7、...
毛垄翠890 :答：Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老师：请说说看。...
毛垄翠890 :答：帮助的人:19.9万 我也去答题访问个人页 关注 展开全部 里面好多哩! 参考资料: www.zhidao.baidu.com/question/25482367.htmi?si=1 已赞过 已踩过< 你对这个回答的评价是? 评论 收起 更多回答(1) 其他类似问题 2010-07-14 英文短笑话 2318 2008-09-16 英语小笑话,越短越好,带翻译 1378 201...
毛垄翠890 :答：参考资料: 百度知道 英语冷笑话大全 已赞过 已踩过< 你对这个回答的评价是? 评论 收起 百度网友748660c18 2010-11-27 · TA获得超过664个赞 知道小有建树答主 回答量:423 采纳率:0% 帮助的人:297万 我也去答题访问个人页 关注 展开全部 white man:are you Black?black man:no,i'm ...
